Mistletoe Is Poop On A Twig

Many do not know, but mistletoe is a partial parasitic plant. Partial because it can survive on its own through photosynthesis. It grows on trees and will grow roots into the trees, taking nutrients away from it. Mistletoe can live on its own, but it most commonly found living in other trees. There are two main species of mistletoe. Phoradendron flavescens is the type found, which is used as Christmas decoration. There is also the viscum album. It looks like a small green shrub with yellow flowers and small white berries. In many cultures, mistletoe is thought to be a mystical plant that can heal, protect and help with fertility. Mistletoe will stay green and alive throughout winter, while its host will not. Since mistletoe does stay green throughout the cold winter, it is not a stretch to see why people in history thought it to be a magical plant.

Continue reading “Mistletoe Is Poop On A Twig”

Christmas Decorating Tips on Using Mistletoe

Mistletoe is such a traditional part of Christmas decorating. It is a romantic and lovely way to decorate. You will have endless reasons to kiss your loved one if you follow this guide on decorating with mistletoe.

Begin with the doors. A doorway is a traditional position for holiday mistletoe. Find a few strategically positioned doorways in your home to hang it from.

Continue reading “Christmas Decorating Tips on Using Mistletoe”

A Brief History Of Christmas Trees

Ever wondered why there are real Christmas trees in our residences at Christmas? All of it started a long time ago just before the creation of Christianity. Evergreen plants were a unique image for people in winter; in lots of countries, many people thought the plants would reduce the chances of wicked spirits and diseases. For that reason, people strung limbs of what we all know in modern times as the real Christmas tree along the entrances and window frames of their dwellings.

Christmas is one of our favorite times of the year. This is because it is one of the only times when everybody gets together and celebrates, people are happier and it is a time when you can forget all of your worries and just be with your family and friends. You can enjoy the hustle and bustle of the city as you rush to get your last minute shopping, decorate the house with a Real Christmas tree or Artificial Christmas tree and hanging Christmas decorations, and the smell of freshly baked cookies and pies fill homes all over the world. Yes, Christmas is truly a wonderful time of the year, but unfortunately, many people have forgotten the real meaning of Christmas.

What is the history of Christmas and why do we celebrate it each year? If you want to remember the true meaning to the festive period, or if you would like to teach your children a little bit about it, then read this article to find out more.

The true history of Christmas actually goes back many years and the reason why we celebrate it on the 25th of December each year is because it was the day when Jesus Christ was born. Many people forget that we celebrate Christmas in order to celebrate the birth of Christ and it is important that we remember this and make sure that we incorporate it into out celebrations so that it is possible to understand the true meaning of Christmas and why it is such an important time of year for hundreds and thousands of people all around the globe.

The act of giving friends and loved one’s presents come from the three wise men who visited Jesus and presented him with three gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh and this is why now we give each other presents, to represent the gifts that were brought to Jesus on the day that he was born. The star which we place upon our Christmas trees represents the guiding Star of David which the three wise men followed in order to find Jesus in his stable. The angel which some people place on top of their trees instead of a star represents the guiding angel which helped the shepherds during this time.

Reuse it into fertilizer. A few cities will gather your tree and manure it, or you can do it yourself. A tree can be transformed into mulch, as well, so it pays to think about what you’re landscaping needs will be the point at which the snow liquefies sink it in a lake. A tree can offer asylum to angle if you live on a private lake or have a lake. We’d just suggest this if you’re certain the tree hasn’t been treated with chemicals that could hurt theaquatic ecosystem.Christmas is celebrated by Today people by designing their trees with various kinds of lights and ornaments. You will find beautiful themed Christmas trees with plants, ribbons, lights, and ornaments. As well as, the wonderfully decorated trees with mismatched decorations that tell an account of life each year as you enhance your tree.

Today we also have large numbers of possibilities regarding whether we want a real or synthetic tree, what dimension of a tree, what sort of tree, whether it is pre-lit, and etc. There are synthetic trees now being produced that look and feel so true that you need to use gloves to put them together. These trees also offer choices that are pre-lit with colored and white lights that may change depending on what button you click on your remote. A tree with a remote is a Christmas tree every person needs.

However, you decide to decorate your Christmas tree have a good time making memories with those this Christmas time is loved by you.

Forget Frosty : Throwing Hot Water On Everyone’s Favorite Snowman

I’m not just an elf, I’m Binky. You’re whoever you are and I suppose you’ve come back for more brilliant commentary on all things Christmas or maybe whatever other seasonal atrocities I might have to rail against. If that’s not a threat to the Easter Bunny I don’t know what is! Lucky for that mangy rabbit today I’ll be tackling a subject near and dear to my cold heart : Frosty the freaking Snowman.
I imagine he was created by some hack at a Nashville commercial real estate firm who was bored at his desk or maybe a coal miner who had a nightmare about the winter snow coming to life murder him. Either way and however this story was created, I was determined to find out. Enjoy ( I guess. )

My research started on the internet where most of you chumps do your own piddling and fiddling, I imagine. The internet is a great source of snowman propaganda like songs and smiling children dancing around this rotund monstrosity in his ugly black hat. You would think that Wikipedia would even have some unbiased accounts of this dark magic creature being brought to life but nope, just more lies. Luckily I’m an intrepid journalist as well as an extremely salty elf so I’ve cobbled together what will probably go down in history as they true story of Frosty. You’re welcome for that!

The beginning of Frosty The Snowman of course starts with theft. Beatrix Potter who is beloved and well known for her whimsical tales of life as clothes-wearing critters is probably even more well known for the tales concerning her character Peter Rabbit. Also included in that notoriety is Cottontail. Now these stories are cherished and I’ve stared creepily through cracks in walls, watching good parents reading their children the great Potter stories before bed. Wouldn’t it have been a shame if some dastardly duo of greedy fools twisted that perfect story into something they could make bundles of dollars selling to idiots? Duh, it happened. Some jokers by the names of Walker Rollins and Steve Edward Nelson stole Beatrix Potter’s story of rabbits frolicking and somehow came up with snowman coming to life. The hit song didn’t even mention Christmas as well as being a disgusting, bare-faced theft of the Potter stories. A cursed hat is placed upon a bunch of snow. It’s honestly very scary. There did follow more songs, movies, animated shorts and millions of Christmas crap that you can see for yourself hanging in poor people’s windows around Christmas time.

Do I have to detail you the story of Frosty the Snowman in it’s original form? I suppose I must because you’re probably so full of lies and propaganda that you think a magical snowman came to life, helped out some kids and had fun then sadly melted but not before promising to return next time. All of that is wrong and you should be relatively ashamed of yourself for buying in to those kind of feeble lies. Here comes so truth, Binky style :

Picture some American children playing in the snow during the 1940s. Coal shovels as sleds let them slide down hills, laughing and having fun in the winter weather. A truck rolls by billowing nasty smoke and hauling a whole bunch of garbage : some from a nearby leper colony and even more from a prison cafeteria. The trash consists of leprosy-ridden clothing and rotten food even people incarcerated didn’t want to eat. As the trash truck throttles quickly by the happy children it hits a pothole in the road and the whole truck jumps up, spilling out some of the terrible contents into the road. A black top hat, a moldy carrot and some other items too disgusting to detail here land right next to some of the happy children.  As the roiling exhaust smoking truck exited this winter scene some of the kids came over to the street to see what kind of stuff had fallen off it.

I’m not going to sugar coat this one folks : one of the kids was especially dumb and for some reason he liked rolling balls of snow up into sequentially smaller piles. The fact that he wasn’t very smart and even worse as far as coordination as he could only form three spheres of snow, one big at the bottom, a middle sized and then a weird head-sized small ball, and upon stacking them he was “finished.” The dumb kid was named Charlie and he was mostly ignored by the other children.  Today was no different and Charlie was just finished another of his dummy masterpieces, stacking that last head sized ball of snow on top of the other two. Drooling a large grin over his face he had barely noticed the loud, stinky truck and the items it had deposited on the road. The kids were fighting over the black top hat and some others were wagging the moldy carrot menacingly at a slight girl named Percy, who hated vegetables and they all knew it.

Charlie, in a burst of intelligence that most likely nearly overloaded his tiny neurons, asked if instead of being unkind to Percy and her vegetable phobia maybe they could “put the hat on my snow pile. ” The kids, abashed by the dumbest in their group, decided that would be alright if only because the hat was pretty gross anyways. They plunked down the hat, some kid had the great idea to use the carrot as a nose and Percy just now recovered from her scare used some random coal in her pockets to outline a ghastly face on the snow ball on top.

A snow man is born. In form, any ways. The snowman sat there inanimate as it ever was because obviously winter precipitation rolled up together and sporting a trash hat doesn’t make something come to life. The children continued sledding on their coal shovels except for Charlie who stared deeply into the coal eyes of his creation for the better part of an hour. Bored and tired of sledding the children left, they grew up to be adults and one of them grew up to be Steve Edward Nelson, the hack song writer who ripped off my beloved Beatrix Potter.

The rest is history. Dumb history, if you ask me, Binky.

Did you like that? I sincerely doubt that you did. I’m finding this blog to a fantastic outlet for my general dislike of all things Christmas. Maybe I’ll branch out to other holidays next time. Maybe you’ll find my Instagram account and follow it. More likely none of that will happen and you’ll have to wait for another rant from me, Binky, at an undisclosed date. Bye! 

A Very Binky History : Rudolph The Red Nosed Fraud

Hello, chumps! You’ve landed in probably the worst possible place on the internet, the home of Binky The Elf, the elf who absolutely hates everything. From Christmas to coffee mugs to the 4th Of July to cats, this is where I, the fantastic Binky, likes to let loose Andy Rooney style on all the stupid junk that clutters up this world. Go ahead and toss me a Bookmark in your browser so you can come back and read me ranting about all the things wrong in this world. What would I like to start crapping on first? Rudolph, of course, everyone’s favorite symbol of holiday cheer which isn’t so great as you think. Enjoy ( or don’t! )


For most of you idiots, the animated animal Rudolph with his ugly red nose, has been fondly remembered for years in stupid songs and that horrifying jerky television show that they keep playing ever year. Did you know that Rudolph is totally made up? Yes, your beloved magical horse with horns is just a fiction. Let that settle in! You might have already known this which brings me to my second question : what’s the story behind this idiotic creation? I asked my elf mom and she said “Oh Binky, it’s a lovely story, a man wrote the story of Rudolph to cheer up his daughter as her mother was dying of cancer. ”

Sure, mom. Not likely! The story of a sad dad trying to be nice is touching to some but I obviously could see through to the truth. Rudolph is a completely commercial construct from a copywriter. The boss of that copywriter took the story home and tested it out like an evil scientist on his daughter to see if it got any emotion out of her. The year was 1939 and theMontgomery Ward company needed some syrupy sweet holiday garbage to slather over some promotional pamphlets they were giving out already each year. The Ward company was paying another firm to create these coloring books and pamphlets they gave out every stinking Christmas season so they thought they could save a couple of nickels on getting one of their own hacks to come up with one instead! Robert May was the unlucky loser they made do the job because he was really into kid stuff like stories and bad jokes.

May was a loser adult who used to be a loser kid so he was perfect for this kind of job. He remembered being bullied a lot for being generally a jerk, ugly, small, etc. Stealing from a far better story about an ugly duck that grows into swan, this guy just added some reindeer to the mix, took out the ducks and voila he had himself a story idea. The name Rudolph comes from him probably being a Nazi supporter or something but I didn’t bother to research that far into it.

He must have thought kids were pretty dumb because he wrote the whole story in very simple and extremely annoying rhymes. He tried it out first on his toddler who was DEFINITELY dumb because she just loved it. He went to his boss and tried to convince him that this red-nosed weirdo would be the best kind of mascot for their seasonal coloring books. We almost never had to hear more about this loser Rudolph right then because May’s boss was not pleased with the concept at all, citing that the red nose made him think about drunk people. Somehow May then got a friend to sketch up some ugly four legged animals at a local zoo which convinced all the executives this idea was suddenly awesome. Must have been some great drawings! By 1949 over six million of these stupid pamphlets had been printed because just like the guy’s four year old daughter Americans were dumb and liked even dumber things.

By the time World War Two was over the guy who created Rudolph was broke, his wife had died and the company he worked for didn’t want to give him the rights to his creation. Now even your pal Binky think that’s a raw deal so I begrudgingly applaud May for sticking it out and finally convincing his bosses to give him the copyright to that stupid reindeer. I’m thelittlest guy okay so I got a soft spot for the other little guys out there! Now no one could make money directly off Santa or other Christmas figures ( like beautiful, awesome elves for example) but Rudolph was different. I guess he felt bad for May because his brother-in-law helped out by writing that god awful and annoying Rudolph song. Then, maybe because he fell of a horse and went insane, Gene Autry the popular singer did the song and it sold all kinds of copies. The Rudolph franchise was booming and May was making all kinds of money off his terrible creation of Christmas crap.

Around the mid 60s some television executives wanted a cut of all this action so they got Burl Ives to voice an ugly snowman and they made that jerky, awful-looking program all you people enjoy watching every year. The show became a holiday favorite and people are still forced to sit through it as some kind of yuletide torture to this day.

What’s the real story behind Rudolph though? Apparently he lived in a reindeer village some distance from the actual North Pole. You know what built that village? ELF SLAVE LABOR. Obviously reindeer lack the intelligence and literally lack hands to build homes and other buildings much less an entire village. He was rightly mocked daily for his bizarre and terrible red shining nose and his parents didn’t even have the sense to get it cosmetically dimmed. There is some rumor that he “saved Christmas” but I know from an inside source close to Santa that that glorified headlight didn’t even make it to the first continent as the prevailing ground fog cleared up once they reached the upper atmosphere. Rudolph spentthe night in the back of sled with the toy bag.

Did you like that ? I sure hope so. NOT! Binky doesn’t need people to read his blog because Binky is a strong, confident elf who speaks in the third person when he feels like it. If you have to I guess you could Bookmark this or find me on Twitter. Whatever, I don’t care. Have a terrible day and remember : Binky hates you.